


Rise Now and Ever (Leave Your Memory)

by Cristina_Anaya



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Campaign 2 (Critical Role), Episode 49 Spoilers, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Male Pronouns for Mollymauk Tealeaf, Mollymauk Lives AU, Mollymauk Lives Fest, Mollymauk Tealeaf Lives, Past Character Death, Rewrite of Episode 49, Swearing, allusions to drowning, spoilers for episode 49
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-13 20:23:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18948178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cristina_Anaya/pseuds/Cristina_Anaya
Summary: Rated M for Past Character Death, mentions of drowning and swearing"Molly was quiet during both Nott and Caleb’s reveals, only pitching in to comment at Beau’s in between the former two (because how could he not). During this he hadn’t been able to help but think back to the conversation they had in Zadash after their first meeting with the Gentleman, to Caleb’s immediate acceptance of his situation and of Nott’s very vocal and confused reaction."An AU where Mollymauk lives and is there for Nott and Caleb's backstory reveals in episode 49 and the conversation that they might have had over it.





	Rise Now and Ever (Leave Your Memory)

**Author's Note:**

> I had some feelings about this and I finally was able to put it out. Hope I stayed true to the characters, I tried my best.
> 
> Title from Waking the Fallen by Avenged Sevenfold.

_“I woke up without any names, or any past, buried in the ground two years ago.”_

_“Were you dead?”_

_“Obviously not.”_

—

“They brought me to this river, and they drowned me in it.”

*****

_“Like your life reset somehow? Or you just don’t remember?”_

_“Some asshole got buried in the dirt. Fuck him. I am enjoying what I’m doing; I want nothing to do with that. Anything that came before, I was happy to just leave it be.”_

—

“I can still feel the water… in my lungs and my ears and my nose. And then nothing.  
Until I woke up. And saw… the hands. Those hands— the skin. I looked in a puddle and I could see what they made me.”

*****

_“Who cares about what happened before?”_

—

“...the boy was very nice and he actually seemed to like it, and he and I became friendly, and eventually we did what people do and got married… and eventually we had a baby named Luke.”

*****

_“Do you really not want to know your past?”_

_“I really don’t.”_

—

“I’ll be honest, I’ve started forgetting what it’s like to be a halfling, to be me.”

*****

_“I’m sorry to belabor this, but what if you had a good life before this? What if you were famous or rich or had friends or family?”_

—

“[...] And he was a bright boy, very smart, he learned to talk very early and walk very early, such a smart boy. And that’s who you saw back there. That was my son.”

*****

_“I don’t want to remember anything. I don’t want anybody else’s baggage in my head and I don’t want anybody else’s problems, thoughts, ideas.”_

—

“I don’t remember everything anymore. I feel like every day I’m just more— I’m more and more goblin. I don’t like it at all, I don’t like myself at all.”

*****

_“I believe in second starts and that’s enough for me”._

—

“We were being trained to serve our empire. Above all else. [...] I don’t believe in anything, now.”

*****

_“Can you imagine what it would feel like to not feel anything about anything that had happened to you so far?”_

_“No.”_

—

“I forgot what he looked like. And he forgot what I look like. And I feel like that’s— that’s impossible. That’s unsustainable. We need to know the ones we love [...]”

*****

_“But it’s not who you are.”_

_“It is exactly who I am.”_

—

“They made me everything that I thought I was.”

*****

_“If you always lie and bullshit, how are we ever going to believe you?”_

—

“I feel like… I don’t think any of us need to pretend that we all don’t have some secrets. And we’ve all been keeping some secrets from each other. And sometimes I feel like even maybe the thing that brought us together is that we’re sort of bonded by dishonesty, a little bit?”

*****

_“I think that you need to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going and I respect your feelings– I feel like when you’re ready to know your past, I would support that and I would help you find it.”_

—

_“I am satisfied, Mollymauk Tealeaf. For now.”_

—

“My name was Bren Aldric Ermendrud.”

*****

Molly was quiet during both Nott and Caleb’s reveals, only pitching in to comment at Beau’s in between the former two (because how could he not). During this he hadn’t been able to help but think back to the conversation they had in Zadash after their first meeting with the Gentleman, to Caleb’s immediate acceptance of his situation and of Nott’s very vocal and confused reaction.

He remembered not accepting what Nott had to say to him, telling her to fuck off, trying to make her change her thoughts by scaring her. But still she hadn’t relented. He saw determination in her, he saw something that he didn’t have a name for back then.

And now he understands why.

They are making their way back to Felderwyn now, the cart in silence while Caduceus drives towards the village, until Molly finally speaks.

“I feel like… I feel like I owe you an apology,” he says, looking at Nott.

“Huh, what for?” she’s looking at him confused, her head tilted to the side.

“For what I said that day in Zadash”.

“Oh…” a flash of recognition passes through her face after a moment, and she looks towards the back of the cart for a moment.

“I mean,” Molly continues, “it was still a little shitty of you to assume that I wanted to know about my past, or that I should fight to recover those memories, that I didn’t want to do anything with, but _fuck_ , I— Knowing what happened to you…” he trails off, and another memory comes to him, of another conversation in Zadash.

“ _He could change me, he could change this,_ ” she had said, face full of disgust and trepidation and, somehow, hope.

“You hinted at it,” he continues, finally. “Also in Zadash, when Fjord and I cornered you”.

“I did,” agrees Nott. “Still, you didn’t know, you don’t have to be sorry--”

“I do,” he interjects. “I do because, even if I wasn’t aware of your situation back then, even If I didn’t know you were just trying to relate, I said things that hurt you. Everything that night had been getting to me, and I shouldn’t have used you as an outlet for that frustration and fear. So I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Molly. Really, it is,” she insists, seeing that he intends to interject once more. “I think I should apologize too, for back then. Yes, the situation was really familiar to me, as you now know” Nott lets out a sigh. “But it was still different from yours. You’re your own person, Molly, and I much prefer the you that I know than the other guy who I don’t. I worded that weird, but yeah, I’m sorry.” She lowers her head and looks at her hands, clasped in front of her.

“Apology well accepted, dear.” Molly leans forward and puts his hands over hers. She looks back up at him again at this.

“I’m glad that you see that now,” he says. “But fuck, Nott, yeah, you were adamant about me remembering shit because you had a good life, and you knew it! And you were just making sure that wasn’t the case with me… Again, I’m so sorry, really”.

“Thank you. I really did… but if anything you have told us, about those… “feelings” you get sometimes is true, is real… then I don’t think I should pressure you about digging around anymore”.

“It might be beneficial if you are wary, though”, Caduceus’ voice intervenes just then. “Just because you don’t want to remember something doesn’t mean it won’t come back eventually. If you are prepared to deal with it, it will make it easier”.

“Very true”, says Molly. “I really hope it doesn’t get to that, though, I’m happy with the memories that I have”.

“I’ll drink to that”, says Beau.

“Are you all just listening to our private conversation?” asks Molly, turning to Beau.

“It’s not really private in this cart. Also, you’re not exactly whispering,” she answers.

“Fuck you, Beau.”

“Fuck you, Molly.”

“Well, if you’re all just gonna participate anyway... Mr. Caleb,” he says, still not letting go of Nott’s hands. Caleb turns to look at him. “Bloody Hells, dear… It seems the past hasn’t been kind to most of us, and I don’t think I can pretend to not care anymore.”

Caleb says nothing at this, just nods and continues to look at him.

“We’re all a little fucked up, aren’t we?” Molly lets out a little chuckle as he says this.

“That, we are,” agrees Caleb. “But I think we can all better ourselves, Mr. Mollymauk.”

“We can rise now, in the present and work towards a brighter future,” continues Nott.

Molly looks to both of them, to the Mighty Nein. His friends. His _family_.

“Yeah,” Molly simply says, letting go of Nott’s hands and looking up at the sky, where in the early hours of the afternoon, the moon is beginning to be seen. “We can at least try.”

*****

_Wake the ones and rise tonight_

_Fallen souls we shine so bright_

_Rise now and ever_

_Leave your memory_

_Rise now and ever_

_Leave your memory_

_No one can touch us_

**Author's Note:**

> Haven't posted fic in a hot minute, I think I still got it. I really hope you peeps like it!
> 
> If you want, you can come scream at me on my tumblr: https://passingthegravesoftheunknown.tumblr.com/


End file.
